Up For a Scare? (The Places with Activity)

So you want a little excitement? Feel like testing the odds of what's real and what is simply your imagination? Or are you a skeptic and think that there is positively nothing at all in the form of paranormal activity going on out there? Well, here are a few places for you to go check out sometime. Be warned, some places are private property and some will even have patrolling fuzz around as well. Visit at your own discretion:

• Patterson Road (Houston, TX 77002) The STORY: Patterson Road (which is also dubbed Blue Light Cemetery) is located between Highway 6 and Eldridge in Houston. This place is rumored to be the site of a Civil War battle and the bridge closest to Eldridge is haunted. If you park in the center of the bridge and turn your car off there will begin to be tapping noises all over your car. They aren't just the sounds of your car settling. They are mostly on the sides and the back of the car. It is said to be the spirits of the soldiers who died. Be careful, this road is absolutely pitch black at night, however you can see cars coming from either direction at quite a distance. The LOWDOWN: The tapping noises on your vehicle IS just your vehicle settling after a while, no biggie. Now if you are bold enough to park your car at the graveyard (yes, the graveyard) along Highway 6 and Patterson, and walk all the way down to the first bridge in the darkness; that tends to get a bit eerie. (circa 2005) A friend of mine and I tested the waters just to check everything out. Sure there are animals and insects out there making some rainforest noises, but there was one distinct, inhuman laughter/cackle of a sound, and it was nothing like an animal sound either. Our cell phones stopped working (no coverage possibly due to a crappy area), and something was following us step by step in the water surrounding the bridge area. Every time we'd step, something in the water would as well. The faster we went, the faster it went (not an echo, as something was physically mocking our pace and splashing) until we booked it on out into a lit area. A couple of more trips were taken there, but nothing as strange as that. There are many stories surrounding this road and its surrounding area, why not check it out and see what you find?
• Spaghetti Warehouse (Downtown, Houston, TX) The STORY: Reports of salt and peppershakers being moved and even fully or disembodied apparitions, strange feelings of not being alone, & photos of orbs and mists throughout the building. The LOWDOWN: Completely bogus. Unless you are somehow trapped inside this restaurant overnight or even work the late, late shift here; there's really no way that any true investigations can be held, certainly not during work hours. I've been here several times, and believe me, it was not for the food. I wanted to experience any type of ghostly activity, but I received was nice service, crying babies, and loud as lunch time chats. Anyone have anything interesting from this location?
• Oil Field Road (Sugar Land, TX 77479) The STORY: No real back story that I have been able to locate. The LOWDOWN: This was a road that my friends and I would frequent while growing up in Sugar Land. We would all hop in a couple of pickup trucks and SUVs, head down the dimly lit road engulfed by trees and sparse homes on open land, and even turn the headlights out and walk around. (circa 1998-2001) It truly is a pretty freaky area at night in almost total darkness. Watchout for tresspassing on private property, as some land owners DO have shotguns and are not afraid to scare off "intruders". There was one cul-de-sac that had a lone soda machine directly in the middle of it. No matter how many times we would drive around the soda machine, be fore we made a complete circle, this "ghost dog" of sorts would materialize out of what seemed like nowhere and begin to chase our vehicle! We dubbed it the "Ghost Dog" due to its manifested arrival, a long chain that was broken at the tail end, and the speed of this animal as it chased us down the road and seemingly vanished under the street lights. Now I realize how ridiculous this may sound, a ghost dog, and a haunted soda machine, yet this honestly happened. We even took a camera out one night while it was my shift to ride in the back of one of the pickups with some of the others. As we made our round of the soda machine, sure enough, El Perro de Phantasmo appeared and we took off! As I was snapping shots on the windup disposable camera, we hit a curb and it knocked the damn thing out of my hands onto the road. Never did recover the camera, or all of the good photos from other haunted travels around the suburb. We went back the next day (in the daylight) to see if the camera was there, but of course, it was gone. Now also close to Oil Field Road, was another long barren road that housed a small, small white chapel-like church, which after one night we dubbed it, "The Devil's Church". It was a Friday the 13th (at night of course), and we were doing our normal excursion of driving around before hitting up a party, when we decided to stop at the chapel. We pulled up in front and decided to check out the bare grounds around the small facility. Hardly any vehicles pass by, so we were destined to find "something" unusual. Walking around the back, we noticed the church was decaying/burned along the bottom and up the side. I took pictures and then took pictures of some of my buddies acting sophomoric as usual. There was some weird noise, that we heard, so we began to slowly walk around back to the front towards our SUV. One of the guys in the group decides to stay behind and walk up the steps of the chapel, as we populated the SUV. We whispered out to him to get his ass in with us, but that fell upon deaf ears. He made lewd gestures as he was on the front steps, then he stopped. He ran back to us and said that he heard chanting going on inside. Not believing him, the guys jumped out to go investigate, as the girls stayed in with the motor running. Indeed, there was some odd chanting sounds coming from inside the chapel. Just then, a light popped on in the window overhead, and the girls who could see it clearly, screamed for all of us to run back. Well when someone screams loudly at night in an already tense situation, you don't ask questions, you just run! So we did! As we were running back, the girls began to put the SUV in motion and drive off without us! They finally stopped once they realized what they were doing as we were yelling at them from a small distance, then we finally sped off as we noticed more lights illuminating the inside of the church. "What the hell did y'all drive off for?!" one of the guys frantically asked while gasping. I chimed in, "Seriously, that was some bullshit! You know the black guy is always the first to die in a situation like that!" They said that they saw a figure rise up in the window above us as the light turned on. The freaky part is, the window was a good 8 to 9 feet above us, so either someone had a ladder inside there, or there was some real freaky shit going on. We decided to ditch the party and head back to one of our friends' parents' homes. As we relaxed a bit and talked about what happened, there was a knock at the front door, and we all froze. It was like someone had skipped a record during an awkward moment. One of the guys went to the door to find that no one was there, but there was a note on the door reading "Happy Friday the 13th, we can knock too." We thought it was some of the stupid-ass neighboring kids jacking our chains, but the guy that first stayed behind to go check out the front porch of the church was pretty bothered by the note. Come to find out, he told us that while he was up there before we (the other guys) walked up; he knocked on the front door and said, "Hello? Happy Friday the 13th bitches!" 'Till this day, it could have very well been a nice prank played on us all, but thinking back on it, there was really no way that anyone of us could've placed that note on the door, seeing as how no one had left our site upon entering the house. The next day, I went to Walgreens to have the film developed, and to mine and everyone else's amazement, the back of the church in the photos was no longer burned or decaying. It was as if nothing had even touched the back and the sides.
• The Von Minden Hotel (Schulenburg, TX) The STORY: Many ghosts are said to inhabit this 1927 hotel in this small (almost forgotten Texas town). If you would like to read of the various ghosts that inhabit this quaint hotel, click here. The LOWDOWN: (circa 2002-2004) Six of us took a trip out to Schulenberg (on the first trip) and it was like no other. Cell phone service went down, the small, dank, 4-story hotel was like something out of a 1930's country setting-like thriller, as we were the only occupants staying that night aside from the staff, which consisted of Garrett (owner at the time) and the lady who ran the adjacent Pizza Kitchen.We had originally read the stories of a haunted hotel from the local Houston Chronicle periodical and decided to check it out. Jumping straight to the incidents; we first made it upstairs to the 2nd floor to our rooms and decided to celebrate and chill with a bit of weed to break the tension of the long trip. Leaving the door open to the hallway, we didn't realize just how much we had smogged out the room and the hallway as well. Garrett enters the room, scaring the hell out of us and says, "Now I hope you guys have enough of this Scooby Doo mystery smoke to party with me also?" We laughed a chuckle of relief and let him hit as well.He indulged us in various stories of the hotel and its history of activity. The he took us around to several rooms. There was one room on the 4th floor where the numbers had been switched around, and we were told by Garrett about the occurrences of the room: "A gentleman hanged himself in the room, for reasons unknown. He didn't leave a suicide note, but the hotel help entered through the transom to notice him hanging by an extension cord from the ceiling fan..." He also informed us that people have a tendency to feel faint and shortness of breath while staying in the room overnight. A friend of mine and I decided to scope this out. Garrett led us up stairs to the humidly thick aired hallway and smack dab in front of the room, no.33. He asked us if we were sure we wanted to go in and investigate, to which we replied, "Hell yea dude." He walked down the hall to grab the key from the holder, and one of the guys and I tried to sneak a quick peek first:

After retrieving the key and letting us in, Garrett told us to close the door behind us, as he and the girls and our other friend stayed in the hallway. We looked around the room and it looked just like the other old fashioned rooms; nothing had been updated in decades, outdated drapery, rickety wood flooring, footed tub in the lavatory...but then we noticed a silhouette along the walk. Not just any silhouette; it was in the form of a medium sized man, hanging by a noose-like deal from the fan above us. The freaky thing was is that the image was swaying slightly back and forth. Now either that was a very elaborate illusion that Garrett had created, or that room was fairly active! It was very cold upon walking in there, and the small a/c unit was not capable of creating such a frigid temperature. We left out of the room and journeyed around the rest of the hotel. Later on after leaving the parking lot from getting more sustenance from one of our vehicles, one of the girls came back in the room to tell us that something was following her up the first set of stairs. he guys and I went out to see what was going on, but saw nothing. She told us that she could hear footsteps following her as she walked. We tried to debunk it as just old stairs creaking and shrinking, but we tested the theory and came up stumped. Something was definitely screwing with us coming up and going down the steps at different walkthroughs. Different visions (possibly our minds playing tricks on us) materialized before our eyes down certain hallways, and surely it wasn't the weed we had been rocking earlier that night; nevertheless, it was an interesting trip to say the least. The subsequent trips are absolutely something to discuss, but those will be saved for a separate article. One last instance that was a bit odd, was the cemetery located a block down from the hotel and symposium itself. The grave was full of infant-graves...that was really creepy.



   

Do You Remember?

The old Halloween shows and specials that would come on during October back in the day ("the day" meaning the early 90's, 80's and before my time, the 70's)? The classic fun-filled moderately corny Halloween themed episodes of your favorite sitcom or once a year cartoon special? Those were the damn days, right? The leaves all turned golden browns and various shades of red before waltzing down to the ground. Mom and dad would rake the crisp, warm toned leaves into a large pile, just so you could run, flail your arms and dive into the pile, burying yourself in that autumn-like smell of the cool outside air...yea, that shit never happened for me either. Plus, we always hired help to do all the yard work.

Do you remember the time when you would get home from school, do your homework or at least pretend to have most of it done, solely so you could plop in front of the TV and watch your spooky shows, decorate the house for the one time of year when it's "acceptable" to scare the holy terror out of people without getting a weird look? This article touches on those old shows and specials that makes you revert to that time when you had no cares in the world, a time when the worst thing you could get in your trick or treat bag or at school Halloween parties, were that sugary-demon of a sweet, Candy Corn. Let's take a trip down Memory Lane and reminisce about the shows that we all enjoyed one time or another.

1. The Halloween That Almost Wasn't (1979)

This was before my time, but I believe my parents actually had this on VHS (remember those?). It revolves around Dracula (Judd Hirsch) trying to save Halloween from the Witch (Mariette Hartley) who threatens it. It won an Emmy Award for "Outstanding Individual Achievement - Children's Program" and was nominated for three others. On VHS releases, it was retitled The Night Dracula Saved the World. My favorite part of the film is at the end when Dracula and the Witch end up doing some Saturday Night Fever bit, where they tear off their attire to reveal disco clothing and began dancing. Corny, but hey, it lasted in my mind for some unknown reason. Great Halloween flick for everyone.

2. The Witch's Night Out (1978)

The plot involves a witch who accompanies two children named Small and Tender with their babysitter (Bazooey) to a Halloween party and transforms them into a werewolf, Frankenstein's monster, and a ghost (previously their Halloween costumes). The witch takes them to the Halloween party-in-progress at her house. Other citizens of the town get offended. They try to catch these supernatural beings as a mob. The children and Bazooey spend the night as real eerie creatures but decide they need to become human beings again. A disco song entitled "Witch Magic" was sung in this film. One of my absolute favorites from my childhood. I may have to pop onto Amazon and purchase this gem.

3.  The Worst Witch (1986)

The film follows the plot of the 1974 book from the series, portraying the incidents of when young witch, Mildred Hubble (Fairuza Balk) turns herself invisible and transforms nemesis, Ethel into a pig, Miss Cackle's (Charlotte Rae) notorious twin sister Agatha (also, Charlotte Rae) plotting to take over the Academy, and the Grand Wizard (Tim Curry) viewing the Halloween Broomstick formation (sabotaged by Ethel's faulty broom which she lent to Mildred). It's an awesome story and surely a classic in any household.







4.  It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown (1966)

How can anyone NOT remember this holiday classic?! Linus and his blue-blanket toting ass spending the night in the pumpkin patch awaiting the arrival of the never before seen, Great Pumpkin, with skeptical, yet smitten Sally in tow. The Red Baron (Snoopy's Halloween alter-ego) is introduced to television, Charlie Brown's block-head receiving a couple of rocks in his trick or treat bag, and Lucy being bitchy as always...this classic toon is by far my absolute favorite! It's just not Halloween,  unless I watch this special, plain and simple.









5.  Garfield's Halloween Adventure (1985)

I believe I still may have this on VHS somewhere in our storage facility. The songs that Garfield sings about pirates and changing costumes are priceless to say the least. Garfield awakens to Binky the Clown chattering about Halloween Night and how much candy kids will be able to get while dressing in costume. Garfield schemes to have Odie dress up as his dim-witted coutnerpart and First Mate (Odie the Stupid), while going around the neighborhood to collect booty (no, not ass, pirate's treasure...in the form of candy). The night turns a bit eerie when they travel across troubled waters to an old house and meet up with an old cantakerous man, whom indulges the reluctant two in a ghost story. This actually used to freak me out a bit when I was a kid. That old man was a bit on the "what the hell?" side, and those damn pirate ghosts...yea, it was a child's show, but for a 4 year old at the time, it was a little unsettling before bedtime. Great Halloween special!

6. Disney's Halloween Treat (1982)

This was a variety of clips from Disney movies that compiled all of the infamous villains at the time. It was hosted by Jonathan Winters, who doubled as a freaky-ass Jack-o-lantern and then by some puppet-pumpkin later on. Mad Madame Mim, Captain Hook, Maleficent, and many other fearsome-wrong doers of the Disney world. One of the most memorable clips of this 47-minute Halloween romp, is the Bald Mountain scene from Fantasia. Pretty intense for children and from the 1940's era. The skeleton dance scene at the opening of the show was oddly intriguing as well.

7. Bugs Bunny's Howl-Oween Special (1978)

The green-faced witch with the tiny, Sandpiper-legs and the bobby-pins that would be inexplicably left behind as she bolted off screen, the weird vampire character with a thick Romanian accent, the genius little rats that scared the beetle-juice out of Sylvester the Cat...these were all great characters and clips in this Looney Tunes special.

8. The Halloween Tree (1993)

Based on Ray Bradbury's 1972 fantasy novel of the same name. It tells the story of a group of trick-or-treating children who learn about the origins and influences of Halloween when one of their friends is spirited away by mysterious forces.

This cartoon is often featured on Cartoon Network during the Halloween season. It features the voice of Leonard Nimoy as the children's guide, Mr. Moundshroud. Ray Bradbury himself provided the voice of the Narrator, and won an Emmy Award for writing the special's screenplay. The film changes the novel's group of night travelers from eight boys to three boys and a girl. A longer limited edition "author's preferred text" of the novel was published in 2005, which included the screenplay.





9. Goosebumps: The Haunted Mask pt.I (1995)

You know, although this special came on the cusp of when I began to lean away from the childish types of shows, this one seemed to stick with me for a bit. Hot on the trails of R.L. Stine's scary-stories for children, Goosebumps series. It follows Carly Beth, a timid girl who buys a Halloween mask that would not come off. José Rivera wrote the TV special, and Timothy Bond served as director. The special starred Kathryn Long as Carly Beth, Kathryn Short as Sabrina, George Davis as Steve and Amos Crawley as ChuckThe concept of having a mask attach itself to you and building off of your emotions, was genius. The Austin American-Statesman described it as "a live-action dramatization that's scary enough to give kids the creeps but probably not scary enough to give them nightmares." True enough, no nightmares were had on my end; however, I was a bit weary with the lights off in either of the rooms I stayed in at our home back then.

10. It Came from Underneath the Bed (1991)

Keeping with the R.L. Stine bit here (he also created this muppet-like television show, Eureeka's Castle), the Nickelodeon show, Eureeka's Castle, aired a Halloween episode titled, "It Came from Underneath the Bed" (aka: Nightmare on Magellan Street). Undoubtedly, he would create a special that the show would have a pretty impressive Halloween episode. They managed to put together a Halloween feature that was perfect in every way. It wasn't too scary for the little kids, but it was terror-laden without losing any of that colorful delight we came to expect from Eureeka's Castle.



And there you have it; 10 of the best (well, mine at least) Halloween specials in the past 30 or so years. It almost seems as if they don't even try anymore to create classics or even cult-classics. Well, if those days are indeed behind us, at least we have these greats vaulted in our minds, and for some of us, on DVD or Blu Ray. Did I miss any specials? Let me know.

Texas Haunted Houses

Sure, we may be 4-months outside of October, but let's face it; being scared shitless is a year-long ordeal that many people take enjoyment in. So in the direct/indirect spirit of Halloween; I am going to run down a list of several noteworthy (NashWorthy) Texas Haunted Attractions.

Let's begin with The Nightmare on the Bayou, located on Studemont and I-10 in Houston, Texas. With the tagline, "Houston's ONLY Haunted House with REAL Ghosts" it would draw the attention of easily spooked kiddos. However, for those of us who know better, it's more of a thought, "Bull-shit". With that thought in mind, you decide to check it out to hopefully get your adrenaline pumping with a few good scares.

The LOWDOWN: As aspected, I saw no real ghosts (no shit, right?). The 15,000 sq. ft. place does however put your in the right frame of mind, as far as an eerie feeling goes. There is an oversized, half skull prop against the outside wall and an inflateable large pumpkin that can be seen from the I-10 freeway. They are located next to one of Houston's oldest (remaining) graveyards, which does add to the creepy-factor a bit. Attached to the haunted attraction is the main business of the haunt, which is a day-in and day-out party warehouse supply store; so they are never without nice props. Several nice animatronics, nothing to write home about, decent actors, but the parking lot is a massacre (no pun intended). On a Jumping Factor, I would rate this a 6 out of 10.
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Next we can slide on down the road to Heart Stopper Fright, located 25 miles outside of Houston. When you venture to their website, it may not seem like much, but these guys bring it. If you are completely done with kiddie-washed Goosebumps (no offense R.L. Stine), then move on up the ladder, rung by rung to a more cerebral assault. HSF is definitely good for having a girl cling on to you. Just make sure she doesn't soil herself. And guys, I know you get a little timid and pee-happy as well if you're scared enough; jsut don't do it in front of your girl.

The LOWDOWN: An unlucky 13-acres of fear awaits, as you make it through 3 areas of fright (The House of No Mercy, The Maze of Eyes, Teeth and Claws, and new for 2012, Woods of the Not So Dead). As the website boasts; this is a living, breathing monster that swallows hordes of guests, only to regurgitate them out as a shivering shell of their former selves. The actors are pretty damn good, and I don't recall seeing any animatronics; nevertheless, good scares. Oh, and where shoes for this one, because you WILL be running. Jump Factor: 7.5
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Moving along, we creep upon one of the best haunts in Houston, Phobia. Located off of Highway 290 between the Beltway and FM 1960 in the middle of a densely wooded area; this place automatically sets the mood once you drive over the dirt humps, listening to vile screams of enjoyment and terror; and that's just to reach the parking lot area. Chainsaws echo in the near distance, coupled by tempered screams and groans...oh the excitement of the scares! Just look at the little puppet-monkey character above with his dunce-cap on. Does that not throw a red flag up to you that something's not right with this place? It's like Billy the Puppet mated with Pee Wee Herman and farted out this little yellow-toothed thing.

The LOWDOWN: Not for little kids, by any means. This grand screampark has 8-different themed houses/attractions to wet your loins.
- Dawn of the Machine: Ultra modern industrial horror silhouetted by mechanical despair. Machines run our world, and it's high time we've realized that. But just where do the obselete apparatus' go to be forgotten? Well, this is the place. Welcome to the machine, human population...you.
- Claustrophobia: The floors twist and tilt in this 21st century breakdown. Watch your step as this multi level containerized nightmare is an amalgam of physical contradictions. Up is sideways, while down is a very long drop.
- Darke Institute: The lights are on, but screams are much louder in the Darke... A mental hospital loses control, as the patients are in charge and running the asylum.
- 3D Clown Phobia: 2 stories of insane clowns (not Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope), and visually stimulating, yet seizure inducing imagery. This trippy clownhouse will have your colourphobia in full effect. If you hate clowns, stay the hell away!
-  Mania: In your face, manic colors! What goes up, may just be your lunch with this intense colorful experience. This is where clown rejects vomit techno-color rainbows in a dream-like stupor.
- The Simon Fowler Woods: Zombie infested woods....enough said, right!
- Darke World (You Are What You Eat): And everything is eating something, or someone in here. Welcome to the midnight-meat train bitches!
- Mind Control: This is more of just a waiting area...but trust me when I say, you will not be bored, nor standing still for too long.

I would call this Houston's Premiere Haunted Attraction, even better than the self-toted Houston premiere attraction, ScreamWorld. Various animatronics that are of high-quality, awesome sound, and damn good actors, particularly speaking of the greeters/walkers, the Jason Voorhees character, the little midget guy with the chainsaw running around, and those crazy-ass colorful clowns. So if you're in Houston, Texas for whatever reason at the end of September 'till end of October, this is definitely a haunt that you will want to check out. Jump Factor: 8
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Shifting gears outside of Houston to the Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas locale, and landing in the Guiness Book of World Records' rated: World's Largest Walkthrough Haunted House! Cutting Edge Haunted House.

From the website:

Located in a 100-year-old abandoned meat packing plant in a section of Fort Worth historically dubbed as "Hell's Half Acre," the Cutting Edge Haunted House is built upon a foundation of fear. The meat packing equipment from the Old West is still in use, however now it is a two-story human processing area. Bodies are hoisted up to the second level and brought throught the entire meat packing process untill the conveyor system brings the corpese back to the first level.Cutting Edge Haunted House offers a unqigue setting for thrill seekers searching for a high-quailty Haunted House. It takes visitors an average 55 minutes to explore Cutting Edge Haunted House. The new Guinness World Record holder is now officially recognized as the longest hauted house in the world. A Guinness World Records judge measured the distance of the horrifying haunted house from end to end and validated it as the longest Haunted House on record. Awards: Guinness World Record Holder " World Largest Walk Through Haunted House Fangoria-Top 7 Haunted House in America Haunted House Ratings- Voted top 3 Haunted House in America. 

I've yet to have the chance to check out this beautiful piece of macabre, but plan on doing so this year. From what I've heard and seen on video; this attraction is surely a main eventer!
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Just when you thought it couldn't get anymore off the chain; enter Austin, Texas' The House of Torment. Located in the Highland Mall parking lot; this spookfest is sure to give you a mind-freak. How can a single location give you such a fright-filled night? Well, take a look for yourself.

The LOWDOWN: Enter The Reckoning. Nemesis, Commander of the Soul Reapers watched the apocalypse consume the Earth from his starship, The Reckoning. Now, in the aftermath of world wide destruction The Reckoning has landed and Nemesis has begun to capture, torture, and clone survivors. The clones are fed to his Soul Reaper Army as waves of undead contest Nemesis for the last stock of living flesh. Will Nemesis and the Soul Reapers dominate the human race? Will the humans and their clones escape enslavement? Will the Zombie Hoard band together and take over the Earth? Find out by experiencing, The Reckoning, the next chapter in an epic apocalyptic saga at the nationally acclaimed House of Torment Haunted House! Or if it's scurvy 'yar be feelin'...walk the plank with the dead sea poltergiest, Captain Scoria, in Cursed! Ye be warned of great terror that lives on this Cursed island. Pure evil stalks the night like wind through tattered sails. Dark caverns and thick jungle be the least of your worries here. Blood thirsty savages, possessed pirates, and the foulest of the wicked call this place home. Don’t be tempted by the lure of its power, don’t be snared by the lust of its call. The ancient evil that dwells in the lost temple consumes all men that step foot in its halls. Experience sheer terror and dooming madness as you explore the depths of Cursed!

The Ancient Temple! The Fountain of Death! The Spike Pit! Attacking Savages! The Doomed Caves! The Haunted Jungle! The Pirate Ship! The Captains Chambers! Zombie Pirates! And more!

And how about this; after October ends, the fear lurks on with DARKSTALKERS! No path, total and complete darkness, and all you're armed with is one glowstick. Can you make your way out of this insane place of panic?

The makeup is great, actors are top-drawer, animatronics...absolutely magnificent, and atmosphere...well let's just say that they come bug the shit out of you even while you're in the Port-O-Pottie. Jump Factor: 9 out of 10.

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Austin's neighboring big city, San Antonio also has a bit to offer us fright fiends, in the form of the 2-story attraction, The 13th Floor Haunted House.

Straight from the horse's mouth:

This is not your run of the mill, jump out and go boo haunted house.  The 13th Floor is an intense, graphic, theatrical show that will take you on a gut wrenching ride of visceral thrills and psychological horror!
Two Haunted Houses at One Location for One Price!  Tickets include admission to both haunted houses, 13th Floor Haunted House and Unearthed!  You will descend to an entrance which has been "unearthed" into the basement of this 105 year old building and journey through this haunted house before entering the holding area to board the elevator to the 13th Floor!

The LOWDOWN (via the website):

In the early 1940’s the building that house the 13th Floor Haunted House operated briefly as a hotel for passengers travelling in and out of Sunset Station.  According to legend, a group of school children arrived at the station in route to their destination south of San Antonio.  The weather turned, and the bus driver who was to take them the rest of the way decided it would be best if they waited till morning to complete their journey.  The checked in to the hotel across the street, and turned in for the night.  The next morning, the rain had let up to a drizzle, the bus driver loaded the children and headed south.
Just south of town, on the same railroad tracks that brought the group of children to San Antonio, a train was moving swiftly down the tracks, when the engineer spied a school bus stalled along his path. Frantically he pulled his break and tugged on the train whistle, the huge engine quickly advanced toward the school bus, unable to stop in time. Ten children reportedly lost their lives that tragic day.  Legend has it that they continue to haunt the area, including the hotel where they spent their final night, protecting others from a similar fate.

Yet again, another haunted attraction that I should be visiting this coming Halloween season; hope to hear you scream there!
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Here are a few Texas honorable mentions that didn't quite make the list (these are ones that I HAVE in fact been to, so it's alright to toss my opinion around):

- The Haunt House (Caddo Mills, Texas)
- ScreamWorld (Houston, Texas)
- Fearshire Farms (Angleton, Texas)
- Terrorplex (Mansfield, Texas)

Maleficent/Jolie!

Oh yea! My favorite Disney-villainess/witch, Maleficent! Finally, in a live action movie. And just whom will be headlining as the most powerful and sinister of all Disney villains? Why none other than the plump-lipped, sad-eyed, brunette who's groin-grabbingly, transcending, Angelina Jolie. That's kinda hot, right?

So we have the leggy, South African-Beauty, Charlize Theron portraying the evil-witch in the Snow White film, Snow White & the Huntsman; also, Julia Roberts jumping on the Snow White-bandwagon and playing the witch in a more humorous version in Mirror, Mirror, and now we have Angelina donning the Maleficent robe, nice. I'm looking forward to this March 2014 (yea, 2014) live-action movie based on the classic Disney cartoon/film, Sleeping Beauty. Here's a quick blurb on the feature-film:

On May 12, 2009, it was revealed that Brad Bird was developing a live-action motion picture based on Sleeping Beauty, retold from the point of view of Maleficent with Angelina Jolie starring as Maleficent. In January 2010, it was rumored that Tim Burton was to direct the film. Reports surfaced online in May 2011 stating that Burton had left the project to focus on his other upcoming projects; Disney began to look for a replacement director, with David Yates being cited as a potential candidate due to his experience with the fantasy genre, having directed the final four Harry Potter films. Linda Woolverton, who previously collaborated with Tim Burton on Alice in Wonderland, is writing the script for the movie. Angelina Jolie has confirmed that she will play the role. Don Hahn, a producer of the movie, confirmed that Disney is developing a film about Maleficent and that it is in active development. On January 6, 2012, Disney announced that Robert Stromberg, the Academy-Award winning production designer for Avatar and Alice in Wonderland, will direct the film.

With Jolie set to play the titular role, Sharlto Copley (District 9) was recently named as the male lead for Stromberg's live action retelling of the Sleeping Beauty tale. Heat Vision also reports that Imelda Staunton and Miranda Richardson (Harry Potter) have been cast for the film, along with Kenneth Cranham (Hot Fuzz), Sam Riley (On the Road), and Lesley Manville (Another Year).

According to the Hollywood Reporter's blog article, Staunton and Manville will be playing the characters of Knotgrass and Flittle, respectively, "two of the three pixies that end up taking care of Aurora." Meanwhile Super 8 starlet Elle Fanning has long been rumored as the choice to play the aforementioned Princess, and Heat Vision's report confirms her name as officially being onboard the project. In the role of Queen Ulla, Richardson will be acting as "a Fairy Queen who is Maleficent’s aunt with a dislike of her niece." Meanwhile Cranham will play the human king who plots to conquer the fairy kingdom, and Riley will portray Diaval, "a raven who changes into human form and is Maleficent’s right hand." The source also mentions Copley’s gig in the lead of Stefan, describing his role as "the half-human, half-fairy bastard son of the human king."

The movie's official release date is set for March 14, 2014, distributed by Walt Disney Pictures, and I for one can't hardly wait...by the damn-way, THAT was a good movie also, not a horror (so I won't be covering it in this blog), but good nontheless.


 

The Suffering (the Movie)

When will this movie ever come to fruition?

The Suffering is a 2004 survival-horror video game released on the Playstation 2, XBOX, and PC platform that pits the player as  Torque, a man who has been sent to Abbott State Penitentiary on Carnate Island, Maryland. Torque has been convicted and sentenced to death for murdering his ex-wife and two children, although he claims to have blacked out at the time this happened and cannot remember anything. The night Torque arrives, there is a powerful earthquake, which releases an army of monsters upon the facility. Torque's cell door breaks and he is freed from captivity. Starting from his cell, Torque traverses the prison in an attempt to escape Carnate Island alive.

The gameplay is methodical in the sense that when you are physically playing this game; you are moving slowly around each prison-wall corner, waiting for that one creature to fall from a ceiling or burst out of a grate and scare the living crap out of you. The soundtrack to the game was awesome, I might say. Maynard Keenan and his boys from Tool, lended their talents to the game to set up some dark and glorious tones.

Now for this briefly spoken about film; it was originally brought to light that this film would start some sort of process in 2005; the film began production in 2006 and is scheduled to be released sometime in 2012. It has been reported that Kyle Haarklau will write and direct. Stan Winston had signed on to design the monster effects for the film prior to his death on June 15, 2008. Actor Chiwetel Ejiofor was announced to play the lead character Torque. SO WHEN can we expect this movie?? Only time will tell, and though I may not be the first outlet to inform anyone; you can bet your ass that it will be updated on this blog.

Does anyone remember this game?

CARRIE (2013)

The 1976 Brian De Palma film finally gets a new lease on life.

Like cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch that no one remembers, we can now put that sad excuse for a Carrie remake/sequel (circa 1999) behind us...hopefully. Actress, Chloe Moretz (Amityville, Kick Ass) will be portraying our timid, friendless, teenage protagonist, Carrie White, while the mother, Margaret White, will be played by four Oscars, six Golden Globes, three BAFTAs and nine Screen Actors Guild Awards...nominee, actress Julianne Moore (The Big Lebowski, Magnolia).

Chloe is a pretty gifted little actress, and I'm thinking she will have what it takes to bring Carrie back to life and give prom goers a corn syrupy-drenched good time. Chloe was quoted saying: "We're kind of going off the book. It's darker and much more psychological. More 'Black Swan'. You're really looking into her mind and it really looks into the relationship of Margaret and Carrie. It's set in modern time, so it's a lot different." I am an absolute fan of psychological thrillers and will surely be looking forward to this remake. Filming is expected to begin smack dab at the beginning of June 2012 and is slated for a March 2013 release date.

Speaking of Chloe; did you know that while filming Kick Ass (great film by the way), Moretz felt very uneasy even so much as uttering the movie's name because of the word "ass"?  Awww, that's so cute. Running around in a makeshift superhero costume, calling bad guys "cunts" and killing them in grand-fashion, yet shy about speaking the movie's title...(sigh) kids.