CREEPYPASTA FILES 3 (MOVIE EDITION): THE TALL MAN

Lying dormant somewhere in the world of the dead and undead, is the Tall Man from the Phantasm-franchise. Before being dubbed the Tall Man, he was once known as Jebediah Morningside; a quiet mortician from the 19^th century. Years of doing his undertaker-duties of burying the recently departed began to take a toll on Jeb’s mind, causing him to become somewhat fascinated with the world of the living and that of the dead. Well ol’ Jeb created a machine that allowed him to traverse between time and space. During his first excursion, he experienced something that resulted in a complete change in his being; henceforth, he would now be known as the Tall Man.

The Tall Man appears as…a tall, elderly, white-haired, crowning (balding), grimace-faced man, dressed as a mortician, in a tailored all-black suit, white shirt and black tie. He rarely speaks, as he prefers the use of his animated and story-telling facial features. Want to know where WWE-superstar The Rock pulled his signature eyebrow-raise; check out the scowl from the originator of the raised eyebrow, the Tall Man.

The mysterious Tall Man hordes several unique capabilities; superhuman strength (he can hold an occupied coffin in the air with a single arm), telekinetic powers, as he can control people and inanimate objects, shapeshifting into other people (including women), and a freaky fact (as if those were not enough); if an appendage is severed or amputated from his body, said part will become an insect of something evil that will now do his bidding. He is rarely alone, as he calls upon his posse of the undead; reanimated corpses from gravesites nearby. He takes the cadavers, crushes the body down to the size of a dwarf, removes their brain and voila! A completely new minion to take orders!

His weapon of choice are these metallic spheres that appear at will. The spheres are manned by the brains of the cadavers that had once been removed, and each sphere is outfitted with a number of hidden weapons; lasers, circular saws, blades, spikes and drills. Impervious to a permanent death (possibly because there are many Tall Men from another dimension); the Tall Man does show signs of weakness. He has a strong aversion to colder temperatures and high pitched sounds that can immobilize him. Otherwise; you might as well just give it up…because the Tall Man will send his spheres after your ass and there’s nothing you can do about it.

TOP 13 SCREAM QUEENS

13. Tiffany Shepis: Known for her humble beginnings in Troma Entertainment’s 1996 transgressive comedy-horror flick adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet…Tromeo and Juliet, has landed on my list as a Top 13 Scream Queen.

She’s been a victim in the 2002 Ted Bundy movie and has had several slightly less notable roles in films like Death Factory, Scarecrow, The Ghouls, Bloody Murder 2, Dorm of the Dead, Dark Reel, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!, Godkiller: Walk Among Us, Night of the Demons, and with well-known adult film star, Belladonna in the 2010 B-movie, Stripped. With her list of movies, albeit B-flicks; and a strikingly attractive sex-appeal; Tiffany is a bonafide Scream Queen in my book any day of the week.

12. Ashley Laurence: The attractive brunette with the doughy-eyes and innocent flair made her horror movie debut in one of the more memorable horror movies of the 80s and overall in the horror genre; Clive Barker’s 1987 Hellraiser. She was the protagonist in the first film and gave us guys just another reason to keep watching (although I was only 6-years old at the time), aside from the fantastic gore-factor (for an 80s movie that is).

Ashley went on to reprise her role in the 1988 sequel, Hellbound: Hellraiser II, a small cameo in 1992’s Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth, and to round out her series appearance, 2002’s Hellraiser: Hellseeker. Prior to the last Hellraiser film Ashley acted in; she went on in the 90s to play in H.P. Lovecraft’s short story adaptation, Lurking Fear, playing a young woman seeking revenge for the murder of her sister and town doctor. Not only has this early Scream Queen appeared in several horror flicks; she has also had a part in the 2009 short film for a favorite band of mine, Slipknot’s music video, Snuff.

11. Linnea Quigley: Although grabbing her start in earlier B-movies such as 1975’s Psycho from Texas, and 1981’s Don’t Go Near the Park; Linnea made her most memorable marks in the early to mid 80s with castings in movies like, Silent Night Deadly Night, Return of the Living Dead (where she played the sexy, punk-zombie chick who strutted her glorious nakedness around the foggy graveyard and town.), Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, and Night of the Demons.

Quigley has been known to provide the nudity to give the B-movies a little something extra in the “happy-happy-funtime” category, as far as gratuitous boobage and slight cooter shots go! Check out more of Linnea and her Scream Queen assets in B-movie flicks like Night of the Demons, Girls Gone Dead, Stripperland, 1313: Cougar Cult, A Blood Story, The Voices From Beyond, Dead End, and Caesar and Otto’s Deadly Xmas.   

10. Shawnee Smith: Before she became known for her acting roles in the Saw franchise; Shawnee played a character named Meg Penny in 1988’s The Blob. But let’s hop back on over to what many of you know her as; Amanda Young in Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw V, and Saw 3D.

Her character in the franchise was pretty well thought out to begin with…then she just kinda got annoying; like a wiry, bubble-eyed Chihuahua that won’t stop yapping…but, what can I say? I like Shawnee, and I somehow liked her character. For good measure, we can go ahead and throw in the 2009 direct-to-DVD movie, The Grudge 3 in there, as well. Two movie franchises that have truly worn out their welcome…nevertheless, we love our number 10 Scream Queen, Shawnee Smith!

9. Neve Campbell: Ms. Campbell did not rank too incredibly high on this list, partially because she is a bit drab to watch on screen. Each horror movie and regular movie (and TV show) she’s played in; all of her characters are the exact same. Tell me that you didn’t think that was Sidney Prescott in Wild Things, or even her Party of Five character in The Craft…either way, it’s all the same character. Though for some strange reason, I had to place her on this list. It’s just something about Neve that I like.

In 1996’s The Craft, Neve played a practicing witch, in which I first found her to be hauntingly-attractive. Her part was not that grand, but it apparently made a statement to veteran horror director, Wes Craven, as he casted her as the leading role in the 1996, awesomely written teen horror/slasher, Scream and its lackluster three following sequels. As Sidney Prescott in each of the franchise’s flicks; she could definitely put up a damn good fight for any Scream Queen heroine!

It has got to my affinity for dark hair and the sad eyes…maybe that’s why I placed her on here. Ah well, it’ll come to me.

8. Jessica Timberlake: Let’s get this straight; the ONLY reason that Jessica ranks so low on this list; is because of her lack of horror movies that she has acted in. Otherwise…she would absolutely have a much higher ranking solely for her acting in 2003’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake…that and she is smoking hot.

Taking on a hulking-Leatherface is reason enough to place her on the list. Although she had to re-take her screaming parts over and over (because for some reason she is just not a screamer); Jessica played the role to a “T”. I promise I am not being biased just because she’s more than a little easy on the eyes. In 2004, Jessica played a vicious vampire hunter in Blade: Trinity. Again; sexy as all that is wicked and a killing machine this time; what more could you ask for? Well; how about more Jessica in another horror movie role?

7. Sheri Moon Zombie: Wife of rocker and horror movie director, Rob Zombie; Sheri has landed the number 7 spot here on the Scream Queen list. From various Rob Zombie music videos, to his directorial screen gems; Sheri has been a nice fixture in the horror scene for quite some time.

Her most notable role was as the sadistically-sexy vixen, Vera-Ellen “Baby” Firefly in Rob Zombie’s 2003 horror romp, The House of 1000 Corpses, and again reprising her role in the 2005 follow up, The Devil’s Rejects. Also by her husband, in 2007 she starred in the remake of the 1978 classic, Halloween as Michael Myers’ mother and again in the 2009 sequel, Halloween II. She has also done voiceover work in the animated horror flick (also directed by Rob Zombie), The Haunted World of El Superbeasto and another role directed by…duhn-duhn-duhhhhhn; Rob Zombie, in the 2012 movie, The Lords of Salem. Sheri can surely scream, and give one of the most maniacal-female laughs today. This earns her a spot in our countdown…and her undeniable sex appeal; a must for Scream Queens.   

6. Rhona Mitra: The original model for Laura Croft, before the beautiful Angelina Jolie starred in the motion pictures; this balanced and bodacious Brit took over the reigns from Kate Beckinsale for one Underworld movie in 2009’s Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, as she played Sonja, daughter to the vampire elder Viktor. Unfortunately; she died in the movie, which I suppose was expected, given the previous storylines; however I still had hopes that it would somehow find a loophole to keep her alive…alas.

Before she took on a vampire’s persona in 2009; Rhona starred in the 2006 horror-action film about werewolves, Skinwalkers. Not one of her greatest roles; but seeing as how she’s such a beautiful-little minx; we’ll let this one slide. In 2008, she also starred in the science-fiction thriller, Doomsday (which was made into a maze at Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights), where she plays a cold military Major leading her team to find a cure for some wild-virus. Rhona makes it to the list because of palpable amazing looks, stunning accent and her kick-ass style of characters in the horror genre.

5. Heather Langenkamp: The year is 1984 and little did Heather know that she would be cast in a movie that would be helmed as one of the greatest horror franchises the world over; A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Now although the character of Nancy was to be the lead heroine and lead role opposite of the dream stalker, Freddy Krueger; Heather’s acting ability seemed to be left back at Stanford University where director Wes Craven found her. It was languid and dry as a cotton mouth after toking on a fatty. Yet, somehow the Nancy-character oozed her way into our hearts and her return in 1987’s A Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors, actually brought a sense of nostalgia to a three-year old franchise. Granted when Freddy got his comeuppance and off’d her; many of you (including myself) cheered just a little bit. We see Heather’s face once more in the last real Nightmare film before a 16-year hiatus in the franchise, 1994’s Wes Craven’s New Nightmare where she plays her lackluster self, Heather Langenkamp in essence trapped inside of a real nightmare world.

Away from the nightmare, Heather also made appearances in Wes Craven’s 1989 horror movie, Shocker, and a 2010 documentary on Freddy Krueger labeled, Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy. Oddly enough, the 80s Scream Queen directed a biographical documentary entitled, I Am Nancy the same year. Way to cash in on the one hit-character Nance, but I ain’t mad at’cha; got nothin’ but love for ya.   

4. Kate Beckinsale: Kate has mostly played in vampiric type movies to start her Scream Queen essence. In 2003, she began the role of Selene in Underworld. A no nonsense vampire whom was in the line of stopping all Lycans. She played a total badass and not to mention an elite form of hotness in black, patent leather and fangs. In 2004 she followed this with a vampire hunter’s role in Van Helsing…to which she ends up dying at the end…(sigh) sad. In 2006 she reprised her vampire role in the sequel, Underworld: Evolution, then again in 2012 with Underworld: Awakening. A fem-pire (patent pending on that phrase) has never looked as stunning in fangs, as the lovely Kate Beckinsale. Get ready to check her out in the 2014 upcoming psychological thriller, Eliza Graves, where she is sure to be no less than spectacular in the titular character role.   

3. Milla Jovovich: Ukrainian born, leggy, blue-eyed beauty, Milla has had her fair share of horror movie run-ins. In 2002, she starred in the role of Alice in the popular video game-to-movie Resident Evil. Proven to be a very successful movie, although waned by critics and viewers alike (including me); it has spawned four sequels, to which Milla  has reprised her ass-kicking role in each of the following; Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), and Resident Evil: Retribution (2012).

In 2009, she also starred in an alien encounters’ movie, The Fourth Kind , which truthfully could’ve stayed abducted somewhere. I love Milla, but that movie was horrendous. Luckily we’ve got a sixth installment of Resident Evil to look forward to in either 2014 or 2015. Sadly, it will be the last for Milla, as she has stated in interviews. Cheers to one of the most ass-kickingest Scream Queens ever!

2. Jamie Lee Curtis: Sometime labeled the “Original Scream Queen”; Jamie Lee’s mother, Janet Leigh could possibly be drafted as the “Original Scream Queen” from the 1960’s slasher film, Psycho. Jamie Lee was brought in to the horror scene during 1978’s classic horror slasher, Halloween. I truly believed her frightened emotions in some scenes of my favorite horror movie of all time; yet there were still those parts where you could see her hiding a snicker or two in frame.

Jamie Lee reprised her role of Laurie Strode in the 1981 sequel, Halloween II and returned to the franchise 17-years later in the 1998 installment, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. She then came back for one last scream in 2002’s eighth chapter, Halloween: Resurrection, where Michael Myers ends up killing her. It was actually a bit sad the way that she went out…like a bitch. They could have at least sent her off like a champ, and at the end of the movie! Little known fact, giving credit where credit is due; J.L. had a voice role in 1982’s Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

Closing the chapter of the Halloween franchise; J.L. has also starred in horror romps such as 1980’s The Fog, and Prom Night, as well as Terror Train all within the same year. Now, I am assuming that she was given the moniker of “Original Scream Queen” due to the fact that she had produced a few movies within a short amount of time, and then acted in several movies laid out in a franchise; so we are just going to go with that knowledge of why she is such a Princess in the world of horror…but who steals the number one spot if it’s not Jamie Lee?

1. Danielle Harris: The number one Scream Queen in this esteemed list; Danielle “FREAKIN” Harris! Multiple horror roles, with four of them in the Halloween franchise, one in Urban Legends (1998), Stake Land (2010), and taking over the lead role in the Hatchet series; D.Harris is my number one Scream Queen! Now what does that mean for her? Not a damn thing, as I have no clout or no strong ties with any awards academy or even with a publisher. I am solely bestowing the Extreme Queen of Scream to this pint-sized beauty with the wickedly-enticing smile.

In 1988, she began her role as Jamie Lloyd, daughter of Laurie Strode in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Her acting ability and fear on screen had such conviction and power behind it that I honestly have not seen another child actor do what she did back then. She again returned to the role in 1989’s Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, where she again out-acted everyone on screen…sorry Donald Pleasance; even you ol’ chap. Choosing not to return to the series for the next installment (plus they could not pay her enough); D.Harris did not return to the series until the reboot in 2007, Rob Zombie’s Halloween, where she began a new role as Annie Brackett (a character from the original 1978 film). Of course there is an obligatory tit-shot of the hot Miss. D.Harris; but her acting purely overshadows the brush with breasts. She had not lost a step in her acting abilities, especially in the horror sense. She followed that role in reprising it in the 2009 sequel, Halloween II and in 2010, she was brought on to replace the lead role of Marybeth Dunston in the movie, Hatchet II and in the 2013 sequel, Hatchet III.

With a few lesser known films, D.Harris starred in 2007’s Canadian horror, Left for Dead, 2008’s Blood Night: the Legend of Mary Hatchet, Godkiller (2010), Godkiller: Walk Among Us of the same year, Chrome Skull: Laid to Rest 2 (2011), Hallow’s Eve (2012), Dead.tv (2013), and upcoming in 2014, See No Evil 2 Night of the Living Dead: Origins: 3D, and Fear Clinic.

Need I say more about this talented…talented, actress and her Scream Queen resume? Hands down, D.Harris is the ultimate Scream Queen.

CREEPYPASTA FILES: 1 - THE BOGEYMAN

So what’s oddly terrifying about this villain is that we know not what it looks like, what it’s fully capable of or where the hell it comes from. The Bogeyman, Man from the Shadows, Bugbear, Coco/Cucuy or however you want to refer to it; is a ghostly, malevolent creature that virtually manifests itself physically in the form of however a child envisions it. In whole; the Bogeyman is the embodiment of terror and is pretty much scarier than any other villain in our files.

Generally speaking and from its appellation, we consider the Bogeyman to be a male; this is not true. The Bogeyman can be female, male or androgynous (you want androgynous; look up David Bowie from the Ziggy Stardust days or Marilyn Manson during his Mechanical Animals era). The M.O. of the Bogeyman, is to terrify and devour disobedient (and at time obedient) children. Its place of residence; the shadows, under the bed, in the closet, a dark basement and pretty much anywhere that looks rather creepy.

The Bogeyman has been depicted as another famous villain, Michael Myers from the Halloween-franchise, a pile of insects dressed in a sack in Tim Burton’s A Nightmare before Christmas, and as a shadowy figure with no visible bodily or facial features. 

So kiddies; bundle up under your blankets, tuck the sheets tight and keep that Spongebob night-light plugged in, for the Bogeyman may be near.

Maleficent/Jolie!

Oh yea! My favorite Disney-villainess/witch, Maleficent! Finally, in a live action movie. And just whom will be headlining as the most powerful and sinister of all Disney villains? Why none other than the plump-lipped, sad-eyed, brunette who's groin-grabbingly, transcending, Angelina Jolie. That's kinda hot, right?

So we have the leggy, South African-Beauty, Charlize Theron portraying the evil-witch in the Snow White film, Snow White & the Huntsman; also, Julia Roberts jumping on the Snow White-bandwagon and playing the witch in a more humorous version in Mirror, Mirror, and now we have Angelina donning the Maleficent robe, nice. I'm looking forward to this March 2014 (yea, 2014) live-action movie based on the classic Disney cartoon/film, Sleeping Beauty. Here's a quick blurb on the feature-film:

On May 12, 2009, it was revealed that Brad Bird was developing a live-action motion picture based on Sleeping Beauty, retold from the point of view of Maleficent with Angelina Jolie starring as Maleficent. In January 2010, it was rumored that Tim Burton was to direct the film. Reports surfaced online in May 2011 stating that Burton had left the project to focus on his other upcoming projects; Disney began to look for a replacement director, with David Yates being cited as a potential candidate due to his experience with the fantasy genre, having directed the final four Harry Potter films. Linda Woolverton, who previously collaborated with Tim Burton on Alice in Wonderland, is writing the script for the movie. Angelina Jolie has confirmed that she will play the role. Don Hahn, a producer of the movie, confirmed that Disney is developing a film about Maleficent and that it is in active development. On January 6, 2012, Disney announced that Robert Stromberg, the Academy-Award winning production designer for Avatar and Alice in Wonderland, will direct the film.

With Jolie set to play the titular role, Sharlto Copley (District 9) was recently named as the male lead for Stromberg's live action retelling of the Sleeping Beauty tale. Heat Vision also reports that Imelda Staunton and Miranda Richardson (Harry Potter) have been cast for the film, along with Kenneth Cranham (Hot Fuzz), Sam Riley (On the Road), and Lesley Manville (Another Year).

According to the Hollywood Reporter's blog article, Staunton and Manville will be playing the characters of Knotgrass and Flittle, respectively, "two of the three pixies that end up taking care of Aurora." Meanwhile Super 8 starlet Elle Fanning has long been rumored as the choice to play the aforementioned Princess, and Heat Vision's report confirms her name as officially being onboard the project. In the role of Queen Ulla, Richardson will be acting as "a Fairy Queen who is Maleficent’s aunt with a dislike of her niece." Meanwhile Cranham will play the human king who plots to conquer the fairy kingdom, and Riley will portray Diaval, "a raven who changes into human form and is Maleficent’s right hand." The source also mentions Copley’s gig in the lead of Stefan, describing his role as "the half-human, half-fairy bastard son of the human king."

The movie's official release date is set for March 14, 2014, distributed by Walt Disney Pictures, and I for one can't hardly wait...by the damn-way, THAT was a good movie also, not a horror (so I won't be covering it in this blog), but good nontheless.


 

The Suffering (the Movie)

When will this movie ever come to fruition?

The Suffering is a 2004 survival-horror video game released on the Playstation 2, XBOX, and PC platform that pits the player as  Torque, a man who has been sent to Abbott State Penitentiary on Carnate Island, Maryland. Torque has been convicted and sentenced to death for murdering his ex-wife and two children, although he claims to have blacked out at the time this happened and cannot remember anything. The night Torque arrives, there is a powerful earthquake, which releases an army of monsters upon the facility. Torque's cell door breaks and he is freed from captivity. Starting from his cell, Torque traverses the prison in an attempt to escape Carnate Island alive.

The gameplay is methodical in the sense that when you are physically playing this game; you are moving slowly around each prison-wall corner, waiting for that one creature to fall from a ceiling or burst out of a grate and scare the living crap out of you. The soundtrack to the game was awesome, I might say. Maynard Keenan and his boys from Tool, lended their talents to the game to set up some dark and glorious tones.

Now for this briefly spoken about film; it was originally brought to light that this film would start some sort of process in 2005; the film began production in 2006 and is scheduled to be released sometime in 2012. It has been reported that Kyle Haarklau will write and direct. Stan Winston had signed on to design the monster effects for the film prior to his death on June 15, 2008. Actor Chiwetel Ejiofor was announced to play the lead character Torque. SO WHEN can we expect this movie?? Only time will tell, and though I may not be the first outlet to inform anyone; you can bet your ass that it will be updated on this blog.

Does anyone remember this game?

CARRIE (2013)

The 1976 Brian De Palma film finally gets a new lease on life.

Like cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch that no one remembers, we can now put that sad excuse for a Carrie remake/sequel (circa 1999) behind us...hopefully. Actress, Chloe Moretz (Amityville, Kick Ass) will be portraying our timid, friendless, teenage protagonist, Carrie White, while the mother, Margaret White, will be played by four Oscars, six Golden Globes, three BAFTAs and nine Screen Actors Guild Awards...nominee, actress Julianne Moore (The Big Lebowski, Magnolia).

Chloe is a pretty gifted little actress, and I'm thinking she will have what it takes to bring Carrie back to life and give prom goers a corn syrupy-drenched good time. Chloe was quoted saying: "We're kind of going off the book. It's darker and much more psychological. More 'Black Swan'. You're really looking into her mind and it really looks into the relationship of Margaret and Carrie. It's set in modern time, so it's a lot different." I am an absolute fan of psychological thrillers and will surely be looking forward to this remake. Filming is expected to begin smack dab at the beginning of June 2012 and is slated for a March 2013 release date.

Speaking of Chloe; did you know that while filming Kick Ass (great film by the way), Moretz felt very uneasy even so much as uttering the movie's name because of the word "ass"?  Awww, that's so cute. Running around in a makeshift superhero costume, calling bad guys "cunts" and killing them in grand-fashion, yet shy about speaking the movie's title...(sigh) kids.